Introduction: We shape our tools, and then our tools shape us

It’s been accurately said that “We shape our tools, and then our tools shape us.” What this means is that the tools that we adopt as a society aren’t neutral. As they come to be adopted, they actually change the way we think and act. Hopefully, and typically, the net change is positive. But there are also often unforeseen consequences that can be harmful.

Was television a vast improvement over radio as a form of communication? Absolutely. And we don’t want to go back. Did it, over time, result in an emphasis of visual style over substance? That’s pretty hard to deny. And that has consequences.

The same could be said about our timesaving devices. Call it the “microwave oven effect”. So, on the top-left is an Atari tape drive. This is what I used to load a video game into memory when I was a child. And the process was, you had a tape, which looked pretty much like an audio cassette, not that any of you know what that is. And you’d insert it into the drive and press play. And then you sat there. For about 10 minutes. And then the game would load. And that’s just what you did. It wasn’t weird. It wasn’t boring. It just was. We got much better tools as the years went on, from floppy disks to DVDs to SD cards. And now pretty much everything is instant download. Are those tools improvements? Absolutely. But think about how our time-saving devices have changed us. Can you imagine waiting 10 minutes for a game to load and just sitting there? No way! If a website doesn’t load in a couple of seconds, we move on. If I have to wait in a line for a minute, I’ve got my phone out. Our tools make instant access and a fast pace normative. They have changed us to where many of us have lost the ability to just be still or to contemplate things deeply.

The toolset that I want us to consider tonight is internet media—the categories blur, but think social media (Snapchat, TikTok, Instagram, Twitter, etc.), as well as YouTube, the various news feeds, even search results themselves. Here’s my argument: social media is a tool that has a great many benefits, but also one that—as its usage has more widely been adopted in our culture—has normalized some behaviors that would run contrary to the wisdom of God. And this passage in Proverbs 17 speaks to some of those issues.

Let’s be clear—these issues aren’t caused by social media. In Proverbs 17, we’re reading about the same issues from wisdom that is probably around 3,000 years old. The sin in our hearts—our instinctive rebellion against the rule of God—is the problem. Twitter is just a tool, and theoretically there’s no reason it couldn’t be used primarily to encourage others, to promote compassion and sympathy, to foster robust conversation based on truth and logic.

Yeah … how’s that working out for us?

This isn’t a “Get off my lawn!” rant tonight against modern media. Those are ingrained in the fabric of our society and especially during a time of pandemic in how we connect with one another. But my goal tonight is to provide us a chance to step back and consider a more ancient wisdom and think through how our tools may have shaped us without us even being aware that they were doing so.

There are five areas we are going to consider. And we’ll only have a few minutes on each, but hopefully you have some time to dive in a discuss deeper in your groups.

1. To whom do you listen? (Echo chamber vs. intellectual honesty)

A wicked person listens to deceitful lips;
a liar pays attention to a destructive tongue. (v.4)

The first question to consider is, “To whom do you listen?” Or in other words, where do you get your information for what to believe?

This proverb warns us that we hear what we want to hear and—left unchecked—we naturally surround ourselves with voices that confirm our existing beliefs, and we tune out information that challenges us. The fancy term for this is “confirmation bias”.

This has always been an issue, but the problem is amplified today because our media makes it so much easier to put ourselves in an echo chamber. I believe everyone knows this, but just to make sure: your version of the internet—your search results, your news feeds, etc.—is different than everyone else’s. It’s curated to feed you information that is most likely to keep you engaged on the platform. That’s the business model. Which makes sense, if you think about it. If every article or tweet was something that exposed the errors in your views, you’d go elsewhere. Keeping us engaged—when there are so many other options—requires feeding us what we want to hear.

The problem is that this means we’re constantly enforcing our confirmation bias. Regardless of which side of an issue or political point of view you are on, you can’t understand how those on the other side can be so ridiculously ignorant and ill-informed. And they feel the same way about you. It takes deliberate work to be intellectually honest about your opinions, and that’s more work than many are willing to put in.

This proverb lays out the final stage. When we are so far down this road of confirmation bias that our opinions are impervious to correction because we only hear what we want to hear. And if you don’t think this dynamic is in play in our current cultural discourse, you are naïve. We have people—on both sides—who willingly listen to deceitful tips and a destructive tongue because it allows them to self-justify their thoughts and actions.

We can do better.

2. How do you treat your enemies? (Rejoicing in calamity vs. compassion)

Whoever mocks the poor shows contempt for their Maker;
whoever gloats over disaster will not go unpunished. (v.5)

This proverb warns us against taking pleasure in the misery of others. This has application in two ways. First, I think, is the right-on-the-surface point that it is rude to make fun of those less fortunate than we are. It’s more than rude—this verse says that it shows contempt for God. Part of a Christian worldview is that all people—regardless of sex, race, ability, or social status—are all created in the image of God and therefore have inherent dignity, and are worthy of respect, and—when in trouble—deserve our compassion and acts of mercy. To mock them is to spit in the face of God who created them in his image.

That’s a point, however, that I think is widely agreed with in our culture. I’m not saying everyone obeys it—that’s certainly not the case—but by and large crude jokes at the expense of the poor or the desperate are universally criticized.

But there’s a broader application here as well: “whoever gloats over disaster will not go unpunished”. That word “disaster”: other versions translate it “calamity” or “ruin”. And this connects us a bit with the lesson from last week.

How do we naturally want to respond when our enemy is personally ruined? We gloat. We take pleasure in their misery. And here again—although this has always been a problem in our sinful condition—social media has made this behavior more normative and acceptable.

The previous week, if you were following news at all, you know that a freak winter storm knocked out the power grid in Texas. This is a serious event—millions without heat and water, several dozen dead. And the stories trending on my feed were from policy makers gloating that the cause of the tragedy was because their energy policies hadn’t been followed, so they got what was coming to them. That’s sick. But unfortunately, that’s also normal, and not really seen as that outrageous today.

We can—and will–disagree passionately with others about a variety of issues. And a robust argument is a good thing. That’s how we appropriately have our ideas challenged. And it’s a win-win. If your ideas survive the challenges, you are that much more confident in their truthfulness. If they are exposed as weak, you have the opportunity to refine them and come to a better understanding. Argumentation isn’t bad. But if we have a passionate disagreement with another—let’s call them our philosophical enemy—and then that enemy falls into ruin (loss of job in the family, embarrassed on social media, loses a close friendship, etc.), as Christians we need to be the first to offer to come alongside and ask how we can help. Certainly not to gloat over their ruin. And certainly not work in such a way as to promote their ruin, ala cancel culture. “Whoever gloats over disaster will not go unpunished.”

3. How do you treat your friends? (Gossip vs. Love)

Whoever would foster love covers over an offense,
but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends. (v.9)

If the last proverb applied to how we treat our enemies, this one speaks to how we treat our friends.

We need to tread a little lightly here. This verse recommends covering over an offense. Let’s just be clear from the outset that there are many offenses that should not be covered over. Abuse is an obvious one. That needs to be exposed and confronted, not enabled. That’s not what we’re talking about here. The offense in view here is the personal slight—someone said or did something to you that was inconsiderate or rude.

And in such cases, oftentimes the loving thing to do is to just overlook the offense. If it is minor, give someone the benefit of the doubt. They were having a bad day. They misspoke. Preserving that relationship is worth it.

But overlooking an offense isn’t always possible—or advisable. In such cases we are encouraged to handle the matter in private. In the book of Matthew, Jesus commanded, “If your brother [or sister] sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone.” Most issues can be resolved right then and there. You’ve shown respect for the other person by handling it in confidence, and forgiveness can be offered and received. And then it’s done. Don’t repeat it, like this verse talks about; don’t bring it up again.

Often though, instead of handling grievances by overlooking them or handling them in private, we repeat the matter to others to gather a coalition of sympathizers to share in our outrage. We want to hurt the other person because they hurt us. The term is gossip. And gossip—again—isn’t new; here it is, in the ancient wisdom.

What’s changed is that it takes less thought and might not feel like gossip when it’s online. Face-to-face, it’s obvious what is happening—the person you are gossiping with is in front of you, and you are using your own voice, and it takes time. Online, it’s a button: “retweet”, “like”, “share”. We don’t actually see the other people; we just press the button and let the network handle the dirty work for us, notifying others in our network, who in turn notify their network, and so on. And before you know it, we are sharing gossip about gossip that is three or four steps removed. That behavior has become so easy and normalized that we don’t even recognize it for what it is.

And it can be very destructive. Many of you, I’m sure, know this firsthand. Jumping ahead just a bit, verse 14 notes that “Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.” Most disagreements and misunderstandings can be resolved relatively easily when things are held in confidence; once the gossip snowball has started rolling it can be very difficult or impossible to preserve that relationship.

4. How do you present yourself? (Pride vs. Humility)

Whoever loves a quarrel loves sin;
whoever builds a high gate invites destruction. (v.19)

Here we are warned again against quarrelling, but this is talking about someone who “loves a quarrel”. Who is the world is that?! Who would “love” a quarrel? Well, the second verse explains it, although the language is a little archaic. “Whoever builds a high gate”. What’s that talking about? It’s a phrase that is used to describe someone who—literally or figuratively—makes his house lofty or magnificent out of pride with the idea of outdoing his neighbors. You know the phrase “keeping up with the Jones’s”, right? Well, this is Mr. and Mrs. Jones. Always trying to be a step ahead of everyone else to be their envy.

Generalizing, this is a warning against always wanting to be seen as “the best”. The best athlete, the smartest student, the prettiest, the most popular; it doesn’t stop when you get older—the most successful, the wealthiest, the most put-together, etc. What’s new today are the tools we have to shape the narrative about us online. And that can tempt us to present a false—or at least exaggerated—persona online. That’s what “building a high gate” means in our modern context.

And when we do that, it shows that we love a quarrel. Think about that. If we’re trying to be seen as “the best”, that necessarily involves diminishing others.

Now don’t hear me saying tonight not to work to be the best at everything you do. We are called to be faithful stewards of the gifts and talents we’ve been given. And we are commended to do everything to the glory of God. But as Proverbs 27:2 states, “Let someone else praise you, and not your own mouth; an outsider, and not your own lips.”

5. What do you talk about? (Frequently / ignorance vs. Restraint / knowledge)

The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint,
and whoever has understanding is even-tempered.
Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent,
and discerning if they hold their tongues. (v.27-28)

I think these are pretty self-explanatory, and I should take the advice and wrap up quickly.

The one thing I want to draw our attention to here, however, is the relationship between someone with knowledge and restraint; those go together. The same with understanding and being even-tempered. The currency of much of our media is outrage and a flair for the dramatic and exaggeration. This proverb would suggest that, when discussing a controversial topic, the one who is even-tempered is likely to be the one with a better understanding. On the contrary, those who bluster the loudest are often doing so to hide a shallow understanding.

So that’s really it for Proverbs 17. Stepping back and generalizing—and I think this is something we all instinctively know, even if it might be uncomfortable—if you mold your patterns of speech and communication after the wisdom of God’s word, you are doing to be different. And that’s a good thing, but there may be a price to pay. I pray we have the courage to step into that area anyway. To do the hard things and not just take the easy and well-worn road.

Discussion questions for leaders

In what ways have internet media (social media, YouTube, news feeds, search results, etc.) been helpful to you personally? How have they benefitted our society as a whole?
Read Proverbs 17 with the perspective on how some of these verses might challenge some of the “norms” of how we interact with one another. Note any verses below that stand out to you.
Review Proverbs 17:4, as well as Proverbs 18:17. What concern is being raised in these verses as to how we know what we know? How would you communicate this to students?
Review Proverbs 17:5. Why would mocking the poor show contempt for their Maker? What do you think it means to “gloat over disaster”?
Review Proverbs 17:9 and 14, as well as Matthew 18:15. In your own words, what are these verses saying about how we handle conflict? What makes this difficult in our modern culture?
Review Proverbs 17:19, as well as Proverbs 27:2. “Building a high gate” refers to exalting oneself. What do these verses communicate about how we are to represent ourselves in the public arena? In what ways are we tempted to violate these instructions?
Review Proverbs 17:22. Do we as a society in general focus more on the negative or the positive? Why do you think that is so?
Review Proverbs 17:27-28. We often assume that it is those who are most passionate and dramatic, and who speak the most and loudest about an issue are the most informed and understanding. How would these verses challenge this? If that is true, what are the implications for us in how we speak and to whom we listen?

Discussion questions for students

In what ways have internet media (social media, YouTube, news feeds, search results, etc.) been helpful to you personally? How have they benefitted our society as a whole?
Where would you say you spend the majority of your time online? (What platform, etc.) Why?
Do you agree with the statement, “We shape our tools, and then our tools shape us”? Why or why not? If so, in what ways do you think our usage of internet media has changed us?
What is a current issue that is contentious in our society? What is your typical process to become informed on such issues? What are the strengths and weaknesses of that approach?
How do we avoid becoming those who “listen to deceitful lips”? (Proverbs 17:4)
Proverbs 17:5 warns us against gloating over the disaster that comes upon others. In what ways do we see such gloating in our society? How do we avoid being part of the problem?
According to the passage we read tonight, what are some of the ideal ways that we should handle conflict? Why might we be tempted to handle it a different way?
Do you think the content that people post about themselves on social media is generally an accurate reflection of who they are? Why or why not?
Having “a cheerful heart” (Proverbs 17:22) can sound kind of unreasonable and even mocking for many of us during this pandemic time. Do you think this is still an achievable goal? If so, what steps can we take to pursue it?
Why do you think it is that the headlines that get the most attention tend to be those that highlight evil, outrage, and target people’s fears? In what ways do you think this impacts the way we think about one another?
We often assume that it is those who are most passionate and dramatic, and who speak the most and loudest about an issue are the most informed and understanding. How would Proverbs 17:27-28 challenge this? If that is true, what are the implications for us in how we speak and to whom we listen?