Reading

Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity.

Give proper recognition to those widows who are really in need. But if a widow has children or grandchildren, these should learn first of all to put their religion into practice by caring for their own family and so repaying their parents and grandparents, for this is pleasing to God. The widow who is really in need and left all alone puts her hope in God and continues night and day to pray and to ask God for help. But the widow who lives for pleasure is dead even while she lives. Give the people these instructions, so that no one may be open to blame. Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

No widow may be put on the list of widows unless she is over sixty, has been faithful to her husband, and is well known for her good deeds, such as bringing up children, showing hospitality, washing the feet of the Lord’s people, helping those in trouble and devoting herself to all kinds of good deeds.

As for younger widows, do not put them on such a list. For when their sensual desires overcome their dedication to Christ, they want to marry. Thus they bring judgment on themselves, because they have broken their first pledge. Besides, they get into the habit of being idle and going about from house to house. And not only do they become idlers, but also busybodies who talk nonsense, saying things they ought not to. So I counsel younger widows to marry, to have children, to manage their homes and to give the enemy no opportunity for slander. Some have in fact already turned away to follow Satan.

If any woman who is a believer has widows in her care, she should continue to help them and not let the church be burdened with them, so that the church can help those widows who are really in need.

The Church as Family

Very often, especially in the New Testament, the Bible refers to what’s going on here as “family”. One of the primary ways that the Bible explains what has happened to us in Christ is that we have been adopted into his family. Spiritually speaking, if you are here today as a follower of Jesus Christ, then I am your brother, and you are my brother or sister. John 1:12 puts it this way:, “to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God.”

That’s worth a moment’s reflection to set the stage of the passage this morning. The primary metaphor in the Scripture for how we relate to one another is family. Not a business. Not an organization. Family. Certainly there are organizational and business-like aspects to what’s going on here—we see some of those in the verses about caring for widows—but the driving metaphor—what should drive our motivation—is that of family.

We acknowledge, of course, that earthly families have their share of drama and brokenness. And in many cases, tragically, outright dysfunction or even abuse where trust has been violated. So this analogy of family can be a struggle for some, but I think even with such brokenness, we intrinsically understand what family is supposed to be like. I think that’s why Scripture can so often—without apology—portray the body of Jesus’ followers as a family. There was family brokenness back in the first century as well, but this is the illustration we are given repeatedly.

And that’s how our passage opens, with the reminder to treat one another as family. That applies to everyone, and we can fill in what that might look like: respect, protection, meeting practical needs, etc. And there are also two specific things that are called out here, so let’s take a quick look at those before moving into the heart of the passage about widows.

Respect for Elders … Even in Correction

The first is an extra measure of deference that should be given to those who are older. Note, however, that this does not mean unquestioned obedience. In fact, the context is assuming that it will be necessary at times for those who are younger to correct those who are older, but that there is a proper way to go about it. “Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father.” Recognize that maybe, just maybe, there’s some accumulated wisdom that you lack. So less, “You’re wrong, boomer” and perhaps more, “Hey, I’m not sure I agree on that. Can you tell me how you came to that conclusion?”

With Absolute Purity

The other distinction that this passage calls out is to treat younger women “with absolute purity.” Here I think the Bible is simply acknowledging the tragic reality that it is younger females who are disproportionately the target of lust and victims of sexual exploitation. In the church.

What does it look like to treat them “with absolute purity”? Among other things—in our pornified culture—that means continually being clear in our minds—men, younger and older—that young women are not to be objectified, but bear the precious image of God. Which then I think has practical ramifications. Although it’s not spelled out clearly here, so I’m a bit outside of Scripture on this point, I think there is a heck of a lot of wisdom in things like “The Billy Graham Rule” where men just shouldn’t be meeting 1-on-1 with women unless it is in a public area, or—taking a cue from this passage—maybe if that woman is old enough to be your own mom. Again, I’m here; Bible there. That’s not a command from God, and we have to be careful about rules and legalism. But we also have to be careful not to be stupid. Treating younger women “with absolute purity” means something, let’s keep that in mind.

Widows

Now the whole rest of the entire passage, from verses 3 through 16, concerns a special member of that church family, specifically the one who is bereft of her entire earthly family, the widow.

It would be incorrect to say that every widow in the first century was in desperate straits. Women could own property and many held positions of influence in society even after their husbands had died. But it is also true that financial stability and social connectedness tended to follow the male and so many widows could and did find themselves on the margins. And thus they deserved special recognition in the church.

And this is certainly not the only place in Scripture where God reveals the priority he places on caring for those on the margins. One well-known passage from the New Testament reminds us that

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. (James 1:26)

Nor is this just a New Testament thing. This is a recurring concern that God revealed to His people throughout all of their history. Some examples:

Learn to do right; seek justice. Defend the oppressed. Take up the cause of the fatherless; plead the case of the widow. (Isaiah 1:17)

A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. (Psalm 68:5)

Discernment / Saying “No”

Now, that’s the sermon I want to preach. That’s actually the sermon I thought I would be preaching before studying the text. There is so much good stuff throughout the Bible on how the heart of God is revealed through the provision he makes and commands he gives for the caring of orphans and widows.

But as we look at this passage—and you may have noticed this as we were reading through—that’s not really the main point of the passage. At least not directly. Paul is assuming that the church understands the priority of caring for widows. In fact, from what we read here they were already doing so, but apparently they were going about it in a way that lacked some discernment. The instruction in this passage is actually focused around who not to support, urging the church to draw a distinction between those who qualify and those who do not.

This focus is evident in the way the section both opens and closes. We’re told in verse 3 to “Honor widows who are really in need” or, as the ESV puts it, widows who are “truly widows.” Verse 16 concludes with the same phrase. So there are widows in the technical sense—they have lost their husbands—but who nonetheless are not “truly widows” in the sense qualified by this passage.

Broadly speaking, Paul provides two reasons why we must be discerning and make distinctions in this area. Let’s cover the first reason quickly, which is called out most directly in that last verse 16: “Let the church not be burdened, so that it may care for those who are truly widows.” Here is the very practical and simple explanation that the church has limited resources. It’s not that Paul’s against the support of widows. Precisely the opposite. If the church says “yes” to every request, there’s nothing left by the time it gets to those who really need it.

We should pause there a second for some application. There’s a general principle here that applies beyond caring for widows, right? Stewardship. This is true as a church, and as individuals. There are thousands of missionaries and charities and individuals who are worthy of our financial support. Dozens and dozens of programs, initiatives, and ministry opportunities to which we could devote our limited time and resources. But if we’re not deliberate and discerning, the tendency is to end up with squeaky wheel syndrome. Where we end up spending our resources where the complaints are the loudest or with whomever has the largest marketing budget, and we end up short changing those things that should be priority. It’s important to invest in the most important things, which means saying “No” to a lot more.

So that’s the first reason Paul says that it’s necessary to make distinctions: to be a good steward of limited resources.

The second general reason that Paul gives for the need to be discerning is that it can actually end up harming the person we’re trying to help. We’ll look more at that as we get to those verses.

True Widows: Future Prospects

So who does and who does not qualify as “a widow who is really in need”? There are basically three criteria that Paul gives here: (1) the lack of a support system, (2) her character, and (3) a specific age requirement. I want to skip ahead a bit and talk about that last one first, because that’s the thorniest issue I think in this passage and gets a bit technical, but I think it also helps us contextualize this passage.

At first glance it looks like there is a straight-up contradiction here. Paul puts the age of the qualifying widow (in verse 9) at sixty years of age. And then note in verse 11 that Paul announces condemnation for the remarrying widow: “For when their sensual desires overcome their dedication to Christ, they want to marry. Thus they bring judgment on themselves, because they have broken their first pledge.” But then in verse 14 Paul counsels that younger widows should remarry. What’s the deal?

I propose, with some trepidation, that there is something going on here that’s not quite possible to bring directly into our modern culture. I say “with trepidation” because in general we tend to way overuse the “that was then; this is now“ cultural relevance argument. It’s an easy card to play when we don’t agree with something in Scripture.

That being said, I think this is one case where it’s pretty hard to make sense of the passage unless you figure in some dynamics of this church where Timothy is, that may not be true of our churches today.

And we can see that in the various references throughout this passage to “the list”. Or if you have an ESV, it talks about widows being “enrolled” into something. It seems that this list wasn’t simply a database of those for whom the church was providing support, but involved some sort of covenant or pledge on the part of the widow. A promise that seemed to involve service to the church and—apparently—a commitment not to remarry.

If that’s true, this isn’t necessarily something that the New Testament church invented. Recall the example of Anna, whom we meet when the child Jesus is taken to the temple for dedication. We are told that “She was very old; she had lived with her husband seven years after her marriage, and then was a widow until she was eighty-four. She never left the temple but worshiped night and day, fasting and praying.”

This is all a bit speculative, but that seems to me a reasonable way to understand what might be going on here. In which case, Paul is saying that it would be rash and foolish for a younger widow to enter into such a binding pledge, unless—like Anna—she is truly called into such a ministry. Rather—no doubt after an appropriate time of grief—she should feel free to remarry.

And that can help us navigate this passage. There are solid general principles here, and absolutely the care of widows remains a priority for the church. But the application may not be exactly one-to-one, as this pledge-type relationship isn’t anything practiced—as far as I am aware—in any church today.

True Widows: No Support System

Skipping back up, the first line of provision Paul notes is the widow’s own family. Verse 4 says that the children and grandchildren of a widow should put their religion into practice by repaying their parents and grandparents.

This is the general cycle of dependency. When one is a child, of course, one is completely dependent upon others for basic needs to be met such as food, shelter, companionship, and navigating the dynamics of an ever-changing world. This dependence (ideally) diminishes as one grows into adulthood and independence.

But it often reaches a crossover point, does it not? Where the children and grandchildren are now the ones responsible to assist with the needs of their parents and grandparents, often in similar ways: food, shelter, companionship, and navigating the dynamics of an ever-changing world. This is part of what it means to honor one’s parents, beyond what that looks like as a young child.

This command is so strong that Paul would say that anyone who does not provide for their relatives has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. Dang, Paul! I don’t think this is saying that someone is losing their salvation so much as it is calling out that in their self-absorption they’re just not connecting the dots. I think of the parable that Jesus shared about the man who was forgiven a huge, unimaginable debt but then can’t find the compassion to forgive someone else who owes him a much smaller debt. So likewise here, to have such a vivid picture in the Gospel of being rescued from a state of complete dependence, but then to refuse to meet practical needs of one’s own relatives in their time of need, exposes that something isn’t clicking. Even pagans take care of their own. It’s a denial of the faith one claims to believe in.

True Widows: Character

The final qualification is the widow’s character. Verse 5 says that she “puts her hope in God and continues night and day to pray and to ask God for help.” In verse 9, we’re told that she has been “faithful to her husband”—the phrase here is the same as that in chapter 3 when looking at the qualifications for elders—and she “is well known for her good deeds”, of which several examples are given (“bringing up children, showing hospitality, washing the feet of the Lord’s people, helping those in trouble”).

Here we’re reminded that not all charity cases are appropriate for the church. Galatians 6 reminds us to “do good to all, but especially those of the household of faith”. The priority for the church is the church.

But even beyond the reality of limited resources, providing financial support can actually be harmful in some cases. That seems to be what’s going on with some of the (very) harsh words Paul has about some of these widows who shouldn’t qualify. In verse 13 Paul calls them out as “they get into the habit of being idle and going about from house to house. And not only do they become idlers, but also busybodies who talk nonsense, saying things they ought not to.”

We’re again reading between the lines a bit here, but I don’t think it takes too much imagination to see what’s going on. The church in Ephesus hasn’t been discerning enough when it comes to charity. And now there are people who have no allegiance to Christ or His church who have gotten themselves on the dole of the church with “no strings attached”. With all their physical needs provided for by the church, they have nothing better to do than gossip. In fact, verse 13 more literally can be translated, “They learn to be idle.” Help given in the wrong way can actually train people into patterns that are to their ultimate harm.

In verse 6 the unqualified widow “lives for pleasure” and “is dead even while she lives.” Meaning that, yes, physical life goes on, but spiritually she is dead. There’s no future there. And the church here is enabling that self-indulgent lifestyle.

Conclusion

Whew. Well, that ended up being kind of a downer of a message, huh? But let’s not miss the forest for the trees. The restrictions are in place so that ultimately we are free to be most effective in the ways we—as individuals and as a church—are investing our time, gifts, and resources.

So how do we apply this? Again, this can be a tough one that takes some contextualization. Here are some suggestions.

Treat one another in the church like family.
Take care of the needs of your family. Going both ways. Parents for children. Children for parents.
Care for those on the margins (including widows). Maybe, with things like Social Security, the financial distress in our culture isn’t as extreme, but certainly things like companionship, providing transportation, etc. are still acute needs.
Be generous and discerning in your charity.